Over the past week, I’ve been really struck by a number of comments from various women and what it says about their relationship with their husband. The comments were all phrased in terms of advice for me on how to protect myself and my belongings from my husband’s whims, carelessness, ‘jokes’, etc. The underlying theme of them all made it clear that their husbands do NOT view them as equals, do NOT treat them with respect, and do NOT behave in such a way as to establish and maintain trust with their wives. I am not singling men out here as being solely at fault. I think plenty of women are guilty of this too, and it is up to you (male or female) to demand and require what you expect from a relationship. Those behaviors would not be ok with either my husband or myself, since we work to foster mutual respect and a foundation of trust in our marriage. I ‘interviewed’ my husband before we got married about his feelings on these issues, and would not have married him if his views were divergent from mine on this vital issue.
So, for the record…
It is NEVER ok to treat your partner with disrespect.
It is NEVER ok to deliberately behave in a way that erodes trust with your partner.
It is NEVER ok to deliberately hurt your partner or their things in retaliation for some small slight – they burned the soup, they kept you waiting, they spoke with another person, etc.
If you are not consciously working to keep your relationship strong and solid, you should probably evaluate why you are in that relationship to begin with. Don’t stay in a relationship where you are treated poorly, and NEVER believe that you deserve anything less than total respect – but make sure you are behaving in a way that entitles you to that respect.